Diary : young, graduated and looking for a job

That’s it, I’m graduated, school is over. It’s time to jump into real life : work (unemployment duh). We’ve all been briefed at school about our job researches, and the me vs/ company battle. But no one warned us for that psychological and existencial battle ! Let me tell you my journey as a young graduated girl, looking for a job. You might recognize yourself !

 

NB :  new graduated people, don’t be scared, it’s gonna be ok 🙂

 

Phase 1 : Motivativation on top !

Jeune diplômé en recherche d'emploi

 

Motivation, organization, ambition : that is the young graduated looking for a job starter pack. All job boards and newsletter’s alerts are on. Thanks to that, you can send about 20 applications by days. Yes, 20 ! To me, the 100 applications we’ve been told about are bullshit. Simply because unless you apply anywhere, anyhow, wel there are not 100 job offers in your area by days. As I have been prepared to send many applications, I started sending ones for jobs which were not for me at all. Never do that !

 

Phase 2 : Don’t worry, be happy

Deux semaines après, toujours pas de réponse.  Hormis les réponses automatiques, bien sûr. Vous savez, ces mails très impersonnels envoyés par des robots pour accuser réception. Je n’ai reçu que deux mails personnalisés du recruteur en tout ! Mais bon, je relativise et me dis que les processes de recrutement sont plus ou moins longs. En plus, on est beaucoup à postuler dans mon domaine (communication). Il ne sert à rien de devenir ouf donc ! Vaut mieux profiter de mon chômage, de la vie, de mon temps libre quoi ! C’est le moment de tenter de nouvelles expériences …

Two weeks later, no answers. Besides the automatical answers, of course. You know, these vere impersonal emails you get by robots accusing reception of your email. I received only two personnalized emails ! But, I perspective and tell myself that hiring processes are more or less long. Moreover, a lot of us are sending application in my area (Communication). So no need to get crazy with it ! I’d better take advantage of my free time. Time to test new experiences …

 

Phase 3 : Paranoia

… Of course, I absolutely did not applicated what I’ve told you in phase 2. Three weeks are gone. Still nothing. OK. Now, i’m starting to get paranoid. I stress each time I receive a call from an unknown number, preparinfg myself mentally to answer some questions. All of that for, at the end, hearing a familiar voice : ” Oh, It’s just you … – Well thank you Nao, don’t be so happy to hear me !”. I even started watching business men and women in the suburbs. What ? You’ll never know, maybe a Bluetooth connexion would be created between us and  they would access to my CV in their minds (like if my brain is a cloud.) 🙂

Carnet de bord : jeune diplômée en recherche d'emploi

Phase 4 : Depression

Two months are gone now. Only refusal emails, all automatized. Now, I’m starting to depress. Clearly. Between the appointments with the Unemployed people service lady, and the youth job search help, and all of that things which I don’t need to go to because everybody tells me my CV looks good, you just want to blow all of them off ! Most of the time, consultants can’t help me. Do you know how many interviews/job search workshop I did during my scholarship ? I’m just sick of all that now !

The “unemployed” statues is starting to get heavy to bear. Yes, beceause in our society, being unemployed is not really well seen, it’s even a bit shame. So I force myself to find some answers when I get critics “Hey I am freshly graduated, that’s normal to be unemployed now ! ”

 

Phase 5 : Black whole, lazyness, by

NB: This period last more or less longer depending on each one. We all go through this, don’t lie !

Existential questions start coming. “Is my CV that naught ?” – “Why am I leaving ?” – “Since when, in my short life, have I messed up ? “. As a black girl, I even asked myself if I should not take off the picture of me on my CV, just to see the results. Yes, I was there. At the end, I kept it. I’d rather be pushed away right now and not having bad hopes.

Phase 5 bis : Black hole, lazyness, by

Carnet de bord : jeune diplômée en recherche d'emploi

 

At first, everybodu was encouraging you, but as they kept hearing from you bad news, you just end with faces looking sorry for you. Days start becoming the same. I wake up at 11.00am, look at my emails. Nothing. I watch TV Shows. Hang out a bit with my friends. Joke is, my friends work or are on holidays! Then I go to bed at 02.00am. I eat everything. My mood changes all the time, and that is not my hormons. There. End. That is an existencial crisis! Actually, it’s like the only ones who can possibly understand you is your classmates, who are living the same thing.

Phase 6 : Motivation on top again

At a moment, there’s always someone to push you. Someone you don’t have to report to (parents are disqualified). It can be your boyfriend or girlfriend, your best friend, even your consultant ! Instead of doing nothing, their advices are to really occupy myself : sport, driving tests, library, museum, cinema, workuing on my talents and my creativity, travelling, MOVE ! And it works. Even the fact to know that I wasn’t the last of my class to find a job makes me feel better (what).

Phase 7 :  Alternatives (ou comment détruire les rêves des jeunes)

The word “alternative” really has to be eradicated. For real. When you can’t find what your looking for, your entourage may tell you to think your ambitions at the lowest. As you are already in a very weak psycholical estate, you’ll end by letting yourself being influenced.

Them – The salary amount you ask for is too high !

Me – No ! It is usual in my area !

Them  -You should register at university ! Keep on studying …

Moi – * Euuuuh. After a Master’s degree ? Hell no. Thinking of all homeworks and stuff I have to write … NOPE *

Them – You should think of trying something else, you’re area isn’t hiring. Maybe it’s a sign that it’s not made for you !  “

(what the …?!)

Never, never EVER doubt yourself in these moments. “Don’t forget who you are ! ”

 

 

 

Carnet de bord : jeune diplômée en recherche d'emploi

 

Because, you will start looking for alternatives who don’t even fit you but it’s simpler. Why applying in the administration area, while your thing is graphism ? Really, nonsense ! At the end, you’ll be hired; and 2 months later you’ll realize you have nothing to do here. Joke !

Phase 8 : Wheel is turning

6 months later, calls for interviews arrive ! *Happy dance*

Carnet de bord : jeune diplômée en recherche d'emploi

 

Phase 9 : I should have enjoyed it

Finalement embauchée, je me suis rendue compte qu’en fait, j’ai passé 6 mois à déprimer, à stresser, à me prendre la tête alors que j’aurais vraiment pu profiter de la vie. Je me suis retrouvée à mon nouveau poste crevée psychologiquement, et j’ai même pas eu de vraies vacances. Au secoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooours.

Finally hired, I realized that, I actually passed 6 months depressing, stressing, getting crazy while I could just enjoy life. I started my new job psychologically tired, and I didn’t even had real holidays. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp.

Well, at the end, I got my holidays 🙂

 

So, do you recognize yourself in this experience ? What was your journey ? 

I wish you all the bravery you can have, perseverance, and do not stay alone with your thoughts !

NCL.

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